Otorimonogatari Page 15

  If things go poorly, Nadeko is going to get kicked with no room for excuses.

  “Hmm, I dunno… I think she might be jogging…”

  Oh?

  A vague answer, somehow─are the Fire Sisters not as joined at the hip as i’ve heard?

  Or did something happen recently, something that changed the Fire Sisters’ dynamic─even if it wasn’t a fight or a rift?

  “Anyway, Nadeko. Great to see you again,” Tsukihi greets Nadeko after all that─however late, though, manners are manners.

  She’s staying polite regardless of how close we are, having just shared a bed. While the two of us might have been classmates in the past, we’re in different schools now. Nadeko and Tsukihi aren’t really that close, and a proper greeting is a must.

  “N-Nice to see you again,” i say. Nadeko holds her head low─but part of the reason is that i’m embarrassed to have my face seen right after waking up.

  “Yep.”

  Tsukihi grins.

  Speaking of being late to it, i notice now that Tsukihi’s hairstyle changed while we didn’t see each other in a while─well, she changes hairstyles the way you change outfits, so i really am being late to it.

  Nadeko isn’t fashionable, so i don’t know what the hairstyle is called, but it feels all jaggy everywhere.

  It’s perfectly between stylish and avant-garde… i could never manage such a hairstyle, which must attract a lot of attention.

  Actually, all Nadeko does with her hair is grow out her bangs. The rest she trims herself without much thought.

  i’ve never been to a salon or anything. i don’t like it when people touch Nadeko’s hair or her scalp… Apart from that, having to socialize with the hairdresser throughout would be too much for Nadeko.

  Of course, never having been to one, her image of the socializing you do at a salon is all the product of her imagination.

  “Oh, I get it,” Tsukihi says. “My brain’s finally starting to work. So Koyomi found you and brought you here. Which means he let you have his bed and is sleeping on the first floor. Aw, what a gentleman.”

  Wow. No wonder she’s the brains of the Fire Sisters.

  Her shot made it onto the green.

  Aside from the part about him being a gentleman, she was basically right.

  “S-Sorry, Tsukihi…for the trouble. For making you lie for Nadeko. That must have been annoying, right? Getting a call from Nadeko’s Mom and Dad in the middle of the night…”

  “Hahaha, it wasn’t that late. And I was listening to the radio, anyway. Plus, I’m used to coming up with alibis for my friends. Don’t worry about it.”

  “…”

  It’s not very proper of her, but it’s her impropriety that saved Nadeko, so there’s nothing i can say to it.

  Still, as far as Nadeko’s parents go, they were fools to have believed her.

  “I told Koyomi you’d be fine on your own since you’re not a kid anymore, but I guess he went to look for you anyway─and while I think he worries too much and is overprotective, what’s amazing about him is that he did figure out where you were.”

  “Y-Yeah… Big Brother Koyomi is amazing,” i nod.

  But Tsukihi’s words stick with me─no, it’s not the words themselves, but they make Nadeko think about what happened last night…

  Worries too much. Overprotective.

  A meddler.

  Big Brother Koyomi.

  Knowing that he thinks about Nadeko that way, though…

  “Hmm? What’s the matter, Nadeko? Not feeling well? Keeping your head bowed like that. I can’t get a look at your cute face.”

  “P-Please.”

  Don’t say that, Nadeko begs, lowering her head even more.

  Last night, i couldn’t even manage that weak of a reply.

  “Don’t say that… i’m not cute.”

  “Hmm?” Tsukihi tilts her head further.

  “N-Nadeko…isn’t cute.”

  “Whaaat? What the heck? You’re cute, Nadeko, you really are. You’re so cute, you’re super cute, it wouldn’t be an exaggeration to say that you’re the cutest thing alive on the entire planet. You know why it’s spelled that way, right? Because everyone wants to C-U. You’re cute, cute, cute, cute, cute! I thought it as soon as we were put in the same class that April in second grade. I thought, whoa, she’s cute!”

  Tsukihi attacks with a surge of cute’s as if to snuff out Nadeko’s already faint objection. i don’t just want to shrink, Nadeko wants to cover her body in bedding and roll up into a ball. “Feeling shy” doesn’t begin to describe it.

  “Yeah, second cutest after me!”

  “…”

  She follows up with the same remark as that vampire.

  Tsukihi looks like such a sleepy girl, but she has a frighteningly strong sense of pride and so much self-respect.

  Could she even be an aberration, too?

  She actually might be. She does seem supernatural, in various ways.

  “I mean, I knew it the moment I saw you,” she continues. “‘Oh, I need to be friends with this girl! It’d be a huge loss if I can’t become friends with her!’”

  “Th-Then…” i say. Something that i shouldn’t. “I-If Nadeko wasn’t cute…we wouldn’t have become friends…maybe?”

  “Hm?”

  Nadeko asked her question with her eyes still cast down, but i don’t have to see Tsukihi to know that she’s openly doubtful.

  “Doubtful” makes it sound better than it is.

  Despite the girlish “Hm?” she replies with, it’s so much like the “Hmmmm?” that Mister Serpent likes to tack on to mean, What is this dumbass even talking about?

  This is the scary Tsukihi.

  A dalinquent is a pushover compared to her.

  “Excuse me? What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “i-i’m sorry… I-It’s nothing.”

  “No, I didn’t ask for an apology. I didn’t ask if it was something or nothing. I asked you what it’s supposed to mean. Think you could tell me, Nadeko?”

  “…”

  i’m scared. Why is this happening to Nadeko first thing in the morning?

  “What, did you not hear me? Are you not listening? Or is it that you can’t answer my question or don’t want to?”

  “i…i’m sorry.”

  “Like I told you, I didn’t ask for an apology. What, am I phrasing it wrong? Is it my fault? Or are you apologizing because you feel guilty about something? Did you do something to me that’s making you feel bad? Are you thinking something that’s making you feel bad?”

  “N-N…”

  i’m scared i’m scared i’m scared.

  It’s so not how a middle school girl picks fights.

  i mean, Tsukihi has her fists clenched.

  The angle of Nadeko’s downturned eyes means that i have a clear view of Tsukihi’s knees, instead of her face, which i’m avoiding, and on top of them she’s balling up her fists tighter and tighter.

  Moreover, she’s not doing it out of anger. She has her thumbs on the outside like you would in martial arts. Tsukihi’s making a powerful statement: I might punch you depending on how you answer.

  And also: If you don’t answer, I’m going to punch you all the same…

  i’m scared.

  Though i am, i also think something else, which is, Wow─it’s hardly the time, but i can’t help it.

  Wow. Really, wow.

  How is she popular with such a personality?

  There must be lots of good things about Tsukihi that more than make up for it─that’s what i think.

  Yes.

  Meaning, of course─it’s not just her cuteness.

  “All right. I’m punching you. In the stomach.”

  “Wait! i’ll tell you, i’ll tell you, i’ll tell you!” Seeing Tsukihi pop up without any hesitation in her movement or indecision on her face, her anger boiling over all too easily, Nadeko holds her own hands up toward the ceiling and submits loudly and fluidly like you’d never expect
of her under normal circumstances. “Y-You see, Nadeko was told that by someone. This person said to her, ‘Aren’t you glad you happen to be cute.’”

  In fact, it was a vampire, not a person, but i’m not going to be that honest─it’ll just sound like a lie even though i’m telling the truth.

  Nadeko would get punched. In the stomach. The fact that it’s not her face proves Tsukihi’s not bluffing.

  “‘Aren’t you glad you happen to be cute’?”

  “Y-Yes… R-Right. Y-You did a good impression. Perfect.”

  “Um, I wasn’t trying to do an impression…”

  Still, the praise doesn’t seem to offend Tsukihi, and she looks a little bashful as she sits back down.

  So praising her works. How easy…

  Actually, i fudged the diction, so it wasn’t even possible to do an impression.

  Aren’t ye glad ye happen to be cute.

  Those are the precise words Miss Shinobu spat out─with a faint smile on her face.

  “B-But…it, this, wasn’t Nadeko’s first time… People have been telling her for a long time. Th-That all i am is cute… i’m all looks… Things like that.”

  All you are is cute.

  It was─a friend who said so.

  A girl i thought was Nadeko’s friend.

  Who i thought was Nadeko’s best friend─

  The girl who put the “charm” on Nadeko.

  “That ‘it’s not fair, when you never do anything’─”

  “Huh… But in the end, isn’t that just jealousy?” asks Tsukihi. “Try rephrasing it, and you’ll see what a weird thing it is to say. Like, ‘Aren’t you glad you happen to be smart,’ or ‘Aren’t you glad you happen to be fast,’ or ‘Aren’t you glad you happen to be rich’─once you put it that way, there’s nothing in the world that doesn’t just happen to be the case.”

  “Yeah. That’s true, but─”

  “What about me? I ‘just happen’ to be my big brother’s little sister.”

  “…”

  So the first thing Tsukihi comes up with for her strong points is having Koyomi as a big brother?

  How terrifying. Just how does she see herself?

  “Don’t worry about it. I didn’t think you’d run away from home or anything when you were taking that walk last night, but actually, did you? Because someone said that to you?”

  “N-No…”

  She has the order backwards.

  But it’s true that Miss Shinobu saying those words to Nadeko was such a big shock that it made her want to run away─not the words themselves, but something like the hostility in them.

  A hostility meant to hurt Nadeko.

  It was a shock.

  “Nadeko. The question of whether or not I’d have become your friend if you weren’t cute doesn’t have anything to do with reality, and I think it’s meaningless. In fact, I think there’s all kinds of issues that come up the moment you ask that question, so I’m not answering it.”

  “…”

  “But if you still want me to answer it, I’d have to tell you that I wouldn’t have become your friend. Well, is that what you want me to say? Are you satisfied, does it make you happy? Is that what you’re trying to get me to say? Do you win if I do?”

  “N-No…”

  “No? Then do you hate yourself for being cute?”

  “Th-That’s not it… But when they make it sound like that’s all Nadeko is…”

  i don’t like it, i say.

  i said it quietly, so Tsukihi might not have heard Nadeko.

  Which is why i continue. Like it’s an afterthought.

  “i-i want Nadeko’s worth…to be more in a place that isn’t visible.”

  “Your worth?”

  “B-Being smart, or athletic…or having a great personality. Something with more…value, even if it just happens to be the case… Oh, um, yeah, something more like a talent…”

  “I don’t think that’s any different.” Tsukihi shrugs, like she’s gone beyond anger and has just given up. “And people with something more like a talent might feel the same way. They’d probably feel hurt if they were dismissed for not being cute. That’s no reason to reject who you are.”

  “B-But Nadeko…isn’t cute because she wants to be cute.”

  So.

  i’m lucky because i’m cute, it’s not fair, it’s cheating─i hate it when people say those kinds of things.

  No, i don’t hate it.

  It’s─tiresome.

  It makes Nadeko tired, both physically and mentally.

  “Being treated special just because i’m cute…”

  “Makes you feel guilty,” Tsukihi finishes Nadeko’s line.

  She’s sharp─but doesn’t need to be in this case.

  Anyone could figure it out. As long as you aren’t Nadeko.

  “Is that why you grow out your bangs to hide your face?”

  “…”

  “I thought it was because you’re shy and don’t like making eye contact…but Nadeko. While you can hide your face, you can’t hide the way you act, okay? You can’t hide your voice. I mean, everything that makes its way out of you is cute, Nadeko.”

  “…”

  “Then again, wanting what you don’t have is human─Karen worries about how she’s too tall, and I have times when I think, If only I wasn’t Koyomi’s little sister.”

  Her strength and her weakness is the same thing, and that thing is Big Brother Koyomi?

  Seriously, how awkward.

  Could you please not be so frank?

  What would have happened to Tsukihi if she weren’t Koyomi’s little sister?

  “I see. So that’s why you grew out your bangs,” Tsukihi says, as if to make sure. “And that’s why you normally never dress up and always wear lame-looking clothes.”

  “…”

  Uh-uh.

  Nadeko’s clothes aren’t─

  “That’s why you have a tacky scrunchy on.”

  “…”

  “That’s why you do all of it─fine. In that case, let me give you one piece of advice that takes all of that into account.”

  “A-Advice?”

  “Yep. Listen carefully. Umm…” Tsukihi nods before continuing. With a broad smile on her face. “I understand what you’re saying, but still, you, just-cute Nadeko, didn’t do anything wrong, stupid.”

  “…nkk!”

  As decisive as could be.

  It’s such an awful remark that i can’t even react with shock.

  i know there’s no room for it, but i feel like i heard her wrong.

  Actually, i’m impressed by her all over again. Talking to a depressed Nadeko, Tsukihi hasn’t said a single kind or comforting word yet.

  Wow. She really, truly is amazing.

  Meanwhile, despite everything, in the end i want to hear a kind or comforting word, which makes Nadeko feel so ashamed.

  “If you hate it when people favor and praise you just because you’re cute, then just work on improving other parts of yourself. Give it some effort, try your best. Why try to cancel out your cuteness instead? You’ve got it totally backwards, I don’t get it.”

  “G-Give it some effort, try your best?”

  “Yeah. That’s what everyone does.”

  “…”

  There’s nothing i can say to that when she slips it in so casually.

  Well, i know she’s right, but…

  i know she’s very, very right, but.

  “B-But, Tsukihi.”

  “What?”

  “G-Giving it some effort, trying your best…is…tiring.”

  “…”

  Tsukihi is silent for a moment, then says, “Nadeko, that’s so you. It’s that laziness of yours…or maybe lethargy, that I like about you.”

  “…”

  “But I wonder. I don’t really know, how does it feel when someone seconds your faults like that?”